I’m tired. I’m so tired.
Issue 1: repetition
Nothing ever happens.
Fusion said it, Apollo said it, I’m saying it.
Something new needs to happen.
Issue 2: parents
My grandma. She’s so…just mean. She yells at me every day, for things I don’t do, for things that don’t matter, for things I was going to do, for honest mistakes, and on the rare occasion that she’s nice, I don’t get to do anything with her because…she’s an old person. She sleeps half the day. (Unless she’s mad) and I CANT ANYMORE. I lock myself in my room all day, i stay away, I feel like my dad is the only human connection. Camp has helped, but not too much. School is too much, with anxiety and stress, I don’t even feel happy about seeing my friends. As well, I’m almost completely sure my grandma is homophobic/transphobic
Issue 3: problems in my head
I’ll come out and say it. I have autism, adhd, and genetical depression from both parents sides. Sadly, even though I’m diagnosed, my grandma doesn’t believe in that! So, I’m a faker and begging for attention. I don’t see happiness in my future anymore, because depression, even though it’s hard, you can get rid of it! I can’t! I feel so helpless all the time, I feel sick all the time, I feel sad all the time, I get a little happy, then back down
Ending:
I can’t take it anymore. The thought of just… keeps creeping up, keeps lying to my face, and I’m believing it. I dont know what to do, ever. I feel so helpless in my own life, like there’s nothing to even do anymore. I don’t control anything. I try to talk to my grandma, she waves me off with a “teenager things” and I’m too scared to tell my dad. He has constant panic attacks that my grandma doesn’t deal with, I have panic attacks sometimes.
Closing
I feel closer and closer to it every day. I know this sounds corny, but I just wanna be 5 again. Happy, with my mom and dad, no grandma hating me, nothing. I just wanna be rubbed on the back. I just wanna feel loved, and not stressed, and not depressed.
Sorry for the wall of text.
Sorry
I don’t know if I should be doing this here but it’s the only place where I don’t have to see someone face to face
we love you jack.
I'm here for you.
and so are the others.
take things one at a time. 
I hope you feel better.
we are here for you jack
and even if its only me
ill be here for you
some comments may come off as rude or insensitive; this is because I am terrible at conveying meaning in these cases, and also I tend to think it's better to offer practical advice rather than offering actionless condonlescenses. that being said, I do sympathise with you.
On my side, I just appreciate how things are going because there's always some thing happening in the future or something, either that or my mentality towards life is messed up as heck
...hoo boy.
Well.
keep in mind the elderly have been through the entirety of your lifespan, times 6, and then deal with health stuff (like needing constant sleep)
life's tough for your grandma probably, and sure she makes your life tough, but you can't start a healthy relationship without unprompted kindness[1]
Sorry to hear that...
being real here, I don't have a reference point...
hope the situation gets better 
I feel like my parents enthused me with so much learning at home before I had to go to high school so everything in the curriculum seems easy
...
am I spoilt in that way
...
well, if all else fails
maybe join an extracurricular of your interest?
you could meet like-minded people or take your mind off things...
unless your school doesn't have many extracurriculars 
frigging hell
that cuts off a lot of potential conversation
I have both the A's, and undiagnosed sleep disorder, which I filled with long philosophy winds as a small child
now I have a ridiculous amount of random ideas and philosophical thinking
...still, I don't think I'm deppresed...? idk
but, do keep in mind that the ratio of successful people who went down in history with autism/adhd is unfairly high
...
...
one of those people then
probably had a lot of mental conditioning as a kid, might help to understand her background (you probably do)
did she really call you that
I find it I have a "screw this I'm just going to live life and there's nothing my subconsiousness can do about it" attitude to this stuff
maybe if you went to some groups of interest or found some area you like and invest in it
My parents helped me with coming up for a career path and stuff and the easiest way to get to it, maybe long-term thinking and then optimisation can help you (one more thing to lighten the load of montonomy)
because I have a low standard for myself, I sometimes picture myself as the standard: if I can do something, most people should be able to if they try
maybe you could use a similar mindset? idk I'm just saying what I thought of...
well...
you have the internet.
maybe you could look around and find some direction...?
wait, what
like in normal conversation??
...
maybe journal? ...
...
...
well I have no method to deal with this
"it" sounds...
...
somewhat ominous
nobody except lifelong refugees doesn't want this
akh; it's fine.
and more than justified in this case.
I see no fault in your action.
These mountains you carry, you are only meant to climb.
well, worst case scenario people just don't look
but,
this community cares 
again, my mentality towards life involves me doing a bunch of stuff for other people, like tasks, and therefore I don't have many issues with this stuff... ↩︎
Yes she’s fucking horrible 
...I cannot dignify that in any way shape or form
was she having a bad day or something?? I have no idea
I'm really, really sorry you have to deal with all of this bullshit. Don't apologize for needing to tell us this. I'm not a professional on depression, so I don't know if I can really say anything about that, but goddamnit, I wish I could just give you a hug right now or something. You're truly an amazing person, Jack, and I really, truly, hope the best for you in the future. It's alright to vent on here, because as I've learned, everyone on here is extremely supportive and very nice, and there is no shame in venting. I have diagnosed Autism and ADHD as well, so I can relate to that. Your grandma sounds like a dick, but if you think about it, (and not to sound morbid), she'll probably bite the dust soon. And yeah, I can relate to the feeling of every day feeling the same, it really sucks and change is something I crave. It just feels like a punch to the gut when I have to see people go through stuff like this, and I really, truly wish I could do something to help.. I know I'm usually "the one that's extremely bad at math" and "the Tennobsessed guy who's super energetic" on here, but hey, I can be serious sometimes. Bottom line, you'll always have the wiki here if you need to vent again, because I can assure you that you'll get kindness every time virtual hug, and if anyone is a jerk, I'll be sure to get Kocka (the roar E. night) to kick their ass. (SWOON them). (I don't know if this sounds good or not but rest assured I have good intentions!!)
:D
I just fell off ironically a few secs ago
wont be here for the wkkend
hiking multiday
also
expect reduced overall activity even after
bro WRONG PLACE palladium get out bro
Jack if I could give you a hug right now, I wouldn't let go until someone pried us apart. Do we need to have a Jack Preservation Society now?
sarcastic voice Great, add another depressed person that Aqua Xander wants to take in as an adoptive sibling.
Sure I’ll make a Jack preservation sociaty
I probably won’t be using it as much though
We’re here for you
Good luck with mental health improvements in the future, wishing the best for you
i didn't have enough time to go to another topic...